


Let Me Love You

by caledonian



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied Cheating, Mistakes, Pregnancy, low self-esteem issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8981278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caledonian/pseuds/caledonian
Summary: She never asked him to love her. She knew she wasn't good enough to be loved.





	

She rested her chin on the cup lid, staring blankly at the kitchen wall.

  
The banging hadn’t stopped since she’d gotten home from work an hour ago. Her coffee had long since went cold, and she’d barely drank any of it.

  
“— _uh, f-fuck—_ harder! _Right there, baby, right there—“_

  
Taylor set the takeaway cup down slowly, numb.

  
The headboard smashed against the bedroom wall, again and again and again, until Taylor was tempted to smash _her_ head off the tiled wall. Her chipped nails itched weakly against the inside of her wrist as she attempted to organise what they needed in the grocery shop in her head through the vicious fucking sounds.  
She wanted to be surprised. Really, she did. But she just…wasn’t.

  
Charlie had done it. So had Adam, and Jev. And when she’d caught them, they’d all said the exact same thing.  
_You drove me to it. You’re always at fucking work, or going to see your friends—can you blame me for being attracted to someone who actually_ cares _about me? Gives me attention? Jesus Christ, Taylor, you know how to make a guy feel unwanted._

 _  
_ Her chin quivered, but she clenched her jaw hard. There was _no way_ she was crying over this. She didn’t deserve to. It was her fault. Again.

  
“— _shit, shit,_ shit, _baby! Mmmmm…God, I’m gonna come! I’m gonna—“_

 _  
_ The girl cried out, ecstatic, and Taylor couldn’t help but note bitterly she even sounded pretty when she came. Taylor was always such a state—face bright red, sweaty hair stuck to her skin, eyes rolling back like she was bloody demented.

  
Her eyes stung and she quickly wiped at them with a shaking hand.

  
There were a few giggles as the pair settled down. The New York apartment, as enormous as it was, still only covered one floor; Taylor sat at the kitchen island, listening to her boyfriend bathing in the afterglow of sex in the bedroom that was only around the corner.

  
Her throat seized. That was _their_ bed. The bed where they’d had their first kiss, a little less than two years ago, barely managing to keep their lips together because they couldn’t stop laughing. The bed where he’d pressed her down into the mattress after countless dates, pressing soft kisses to the slope of her throat, whispering _I love you, so, so much, baby girl,_ as he pushed himself into her for the first time. The bed where—  
Her hand fell to her stomach. It’d gotten harder and harder to hide the growing bump—not just from Sebastian, but from everyone. The people on set, her family, her friends. Even Jess had eyed her the other day, poking at her face as she said, “You’re looking rather radiant, Tay.”

  
She pushed away from the island and stepped toward the floor-to-roof windows. Against the bright glean of the city, the glass reflected the slight push of her bump against her baggy jumper. Her eyes threatened to water as she cupped her stomach—held her _baby._

  
Sebastian didn’t know she was home. It was meant to be a surprise. Finish a few days early from a six week shoot, fly back to NYC and deliver both herself, and the baby news, to her goofy boyfriend.

  
Her hands dropped to her sides. Things never really went as she wanted them to, anyway.

  
Plucking her jacket from the chair, she slid it on and made for the door, icy coffee cup in hand.

*

The door swung open. A bewildered Sebastian stood there, dressed in grey sweatpants and nothing else.

  
Taylor smiled, hopefully somewhat convincingly. “Hey, Seb.”

  
His face suddenly lit up, and he breathed, “ _Baby,_ ” before sliding his muscular arms around her waist. Her heart beat a split second faster— _shit, shit, shit—_ but thankfully, the new thickness of Sebastian’s frame made it impossible for him to feel anything through his _beef._

  
He dropped her back down, beaming, “Taylor! Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were coming back early?”

  
“I—I guess I just wanted to surprise you,” she smiled, oddly shy. Christ, when was the last time she’d been shy around Sebastian?

  
He pulled her close again, pressing a kiss to her temple. Taylor nudged her head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his warm, familiar vanilla-coffee smell. Probably not familiar for much longer.

  
She couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d tell her. Would he go with _I’ve met someone else?_ Or maybe, _It’s not you, Tay, it’s me._ Or maybe he was going to take the Charlie/Adam/Jev route and accuse her of not being an attentive enough girlfriend.

  
She squeezed her eyes tight to stop herself from crying.

“Do you—hey, babe, what’s wrong? Baby?”

  
Taylor quickly pulled back, smiling as she sniffed thickly. “No, no, nothing, I promise.” At his doubtful expression, she pressed, “Really, Seb, it’s just the weather.”

  
His face brightened, and she almost couldn’t hold back the flood. Everything about him was so _perfect_ —his tanned skin (which she knew quickly faded into stark white around his waist and loved to relentlessly tease him about), his beautifully white teeth (which were made all the more cuter by the fact his front tooth was ever so slightly crooked), his ever-growing thick strands of dark hair (which she lovingly tugged on when they lay in bed together, knowing it would either make him purr or make him hard.)  
And there she was, as plain as they could come. In all honesty, she’d never understood why he’d even asked her out on that first date. Compared to his last girlfriends—especially Margarita—Taylor was nothing to look at. Dark hair, pale skin, a little too much cellulite and a wavering body weight.

  
Even as Sebastian led her into the apartment, she nervously smoothed her leggings down to stop them sticking to her extremely unsexy ass.

  
_How in the hell hasn’t he broken up with me sooner?_

  
The door of the main bedroom sat slightly open. Taylor’s stomach flipped at the sight of rumpled bedsheets, and she desperately fought the urge to curl around herself, protecting the last piece of Sebastian she had.

  
They flopped down onto the sofa. He automatically pulled her to his chest, lying back against the arm rest. She made a soft noise in her throat—contentment. She’d hate herself for it later but…no matter what, she’d still love him. She couldn’t stop herself.

  
Sebastian’s long fingers combed through her hair as he excitedly told her all about shooting. “I met Robert Downey Junior, Tay— _RDJ._ The man _himself._ I _worked_ with him. And all the others were so nice, baby, it was like I’d been part of them all along,” he breathed, eyes shiny with gratitude. “And my crush on Scarlett hasn’t gone anywhere, I’ll tell you that.”

  
To anyone else, the comment would’ve been passing. Everybody lusts after celebrities, even if you, yourself, are one—it doesn’t _mean_ anything. Sebastian always flushed bright red when someone brought it up, ducking his head bashfully.

  
He seemed to notice her lack of response. Jostling her gently, he said, “Hey, don’t worry. You know you’ve got just as good an ass as her.”

  
Taylor’s cheeks burned, and she laughed hollowly. “I think you and I both know that’s a complete lie. Comparing me to her is probably really insulting, Seb.”

  
His brow crinkled ever so slightly. Taylor smiled, reaching up to smooth out the crease above his nose. His eyes fluttered, and his hands tightened on her hips.

  
“Don’t get annoyed,” he mumbled, eyes still shut.

  
The breath caught in her chest. “About what?”

  
He peeked one open. “Have you lost weight, doll? You seem…lighter.”

  
Her heart sank slightly. It might’ve been better if he’d just come out with it then. Get it over and done with. Taylor would be heartbroken, but at least— _God,_ at least Seb would be happy.

  
Nothing in her would ever want him to be unhappy. And if that meant loving another girl over her, then hey. That’s just how it went.

  
“Jess,” she shrugged, smiling softly. “She’s been trying out all these weird new liquid diets. I thought I’d keep her company.”

  
Sebastian frowned, hands gently massaging the backs of her thighs with his long fingers. “Mm. You know you don’t need to do that, Taylor, right? Your weight is absolutely fine.”

  
“No, no, I wasn’t pushing myself as hard as her. And it’s not like I couldn’t do with losing a few pounds, Seb.”

  
His mouth opened, but just then, his phone rang. He sighed, pushing his hips up to fumble about his pocket. Taylor combed a stray strand of hair back behind her ear, pulling her sleeves down over her hands.

  
“Hey, man,” Seb answered, running a hand through his hair. It dropped to scratch at his bare chest, trailing absently over freshly shaved skin. Taylor smirked at him when she saw a finger stray over to a dark nipple. Catching her looking, Sebastian flushed and, covering the phone with his hand, whispered, “Fuck off. You know how sensitive my nipples are. I’ve had to deal with my right hand for six weeks straight, cut me some slack.”

  
Ouch.

  
Her face dropped, and she nodded, the movement sharp. Sebastian returned to his call, oblivious, laughing widely. A sick feeling curled in her gut, and she carefully slid back out of his lap. Her bones felt too heavy—she didn’t want to hurt Seb by sitting on him for too long.

  
Before she could stew for too long, though, a hand clapped down on her thigh. 

  
“How do you feel about going out for some dinner, baby girl?”

*

Chris and Sara. Possibly America’s most perfect couple.

  
With her long blonde tresses and beautifully smooth skin, Sara looked like she’d just stepped out of a modelling catalogue. But unfairly, she got to be beautiful _and_ smart—she was one of Boston’s best lawyers, with what Taylor presumed to be one hell of a bank balance.

  
“Believe me,” Chris snorted, downing the last of his beer. “I ask myself how the _fuck_ she’s still with me every single day.”

  
Sebastian laughed, and Sara rolled her eyes, digging her elbow into Chris’ meaty pec.

  
Taylor smiled. She sat slumped against the booth, trying desperately to keep up with the conversation. Sara had given her a funny look when they’d walked in, and Taylor had been attempting to cover up her stomach as much as possible ever since.

  
Chris slung his arm over the back of Sara’s chair, beaming at her. She rolled her eyes and said, “Taylor, you okay?”

  
Taylor’s head jerked up. Her stomach had started rolling as soon as she stepped in the restaurant, but she didn’t want to spoil Sebastian’s dinner. She couldn’t ruin _another_ thing for him.

  
She could feel how sweaty her face was, but she forced a smile, shrinking under the gaze of three concerned faces. “Yeah, of course! I’m—“

  
“Here are your starters,” the waiter announced, placing plates down on the table. “Fish for the wonderful ladies, and chicken for the men—“

  
Fish. _Fish._

  
Taylor’s throat clenched.

  
“You…you ordered me fish? While I was in the bathroom?”

  
Sebastian frowned. “Yeah? Babe, you love fish.”

  
Bile rose in Taylor’s throat. Sara reached over, face drawn, to take her hand, asking, “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

  
She didn’t want to cause a scene, she _really_ didn’t. But the smell of the fish made her stomach flop more viciously than before, and she had to shove her chair out and run for the bathroom, hand pressed to her mouth.

  
The three others stared after her, bewildered. Sebastian rocked back in his chair, face crumpling. “What did I do?”

  
Chris rubbed at his beard. “Christ, should we—“

  
“I’ll go,” Sara said, tossing her napkin onto the table.

  
Tears welling in her eyes, Taylor weakly wiped at her mouth with a tissue. She leaned heavily against the side of the cubicle, reaching to flush the toilet. The door to the bathroom opened, followed by a quiet: “Taylor? Honey?”

  
“I’ll…I’ll be out in a second,” she croaked.

  
Finally emerging, she pulled her sleeves down over her hands, avoiding eye contact as she went to wash her hands. Sara came over to gently rub between her shoulder blades, and she couldn’t help it. She burst into tears.

  
“Hey, hey, hey,” Sara soothed, bringing her in for a hug. Taylor tried not to clutch at her, embarrassingly desperate for the contact her friend gave. Sara kissed the top of her head, whispering, “Sweetie, tell me what’s wrong.”

  
It took a few minutes before she could speak through the tears. “I-I…” Taylor sniffed thickly, wiping under her eyes. “I’m pregnant, Sara.”

  
Sara barely blinked. Her dark eyes glinted with sadness, and she said, “I knew you were as soon as you walked in the door, honey. But you hide your belly well.”

  
“T-Then, how did you know?”

  
Sara smiled gently. “Call me cheesy but you’re glowing, sweetie. And you’ve lost so much weight, Taylor—that’s not normal.”

  
Taylor licked at her chapped lips and she made a low noise in her throat. “I know. I’ve just been tired, trying to fit in scenes and time with Seb and press tours…” She shook her head. “Sorry, you don’t need to hear about this.”

  
“Hey.” Sara’s voice hardened. “Is this what you do all the time, Tay? Just brush your own problems aside?”

  
Taylor didn’t meet her eyes.

  
Sara’s heart throbbed, and she brought her friend in for another squeeze. “Taylor, my God, I fucking love you. I love you _so much._ And so does Chris and— _Christ,_ Sebastian would hang the fucking moon for you if you asked. Why do you think nobody wants to listen to you?”

  
But Taylor was shaking her head. Resting herself against the sinks, she whispered, “I—I came back to the apartment early today—to surprise Seb, y’know? But he…” She twisted her face against her shoulder, holding back the tears. “ _He was…he was busy with somebody else.”_ Her words ended on a shaky sob, and she wrapped her skinny arms around herself, as if she was trying to hold herself together.

  
Sara just stood there, arms by her side. Realisation dawned in her, and she started, “Tay, we’ve got to go speak to Seb about this—“

  
“No!” Taylor shot up. “No, no, just leave it. It’s fine. He’ll leave when he’s ready. Well, he won’t really leave—I’ll have to leave, it’s really more his place than mine. But maybe he’ll want to get somewhere new with her…” She chewed shakily on her thumbnail, and Sara could see her trying to plan ahead—and she knew the plan already. Save as many people as much pain as possible, while taking half the brunt herself.

  
“Taylor. You’ve got it _wrong._ ”

  
Taylor’s tired eyes skimmed to her friend’s. “I haven’t, Sara. I know what I heard. I…c’mon, we all knew it was a matter of time. I just didn’t want to tell him about the baby in case he thought I was pressuring him to stay with me. Which I won’t. I don’t want him to be miserable.”

  
Sara cupped Taylor’s painfully skinny bicep and said, “Tay, _you’re_ miserable. And for no reason! Please just come out and let me help you tell him. It’s not what you think, I swear—“

  
Two bodies barrelled into the door. Chris stumbled through first, Sebastian close behind.

  
“Taylor, baby,” Sebastian panted. “Are you okay? I’m so, so sorry—“

  
“No, don’t be, I’m sorry,” Taylor mumbled, reaching to comfort her lost looking boyfriend. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Seb.”

  
Sara stared at her in disbelief. “No, no, we’ve got to settle this now.” Glaring at the men, she said, “Tay came home early today to the apartment to surprise Seb.”

  
Sebastian frowned. “What? But I was at a meeting until three.”

  
Chris’ face flushed redder and redder. He scratched at his beard, glancing uneasily at Sara. She raised her brows. “Exactly, Evans, I _told_ you we were gonna get caught.”

  
“Caught?” Sebastian and Taylor said at the same time.

  
Sara rubbed at her face. “Chris has some press to do in the city, so Seb offered his place as somewhere to stay for a few nights. _But…_ we knew Seb was going to be out today, and we needed to use your shower…”

  
Sebastian groaned, covering his eyes. “Guys, you _didn’t._ ”

  
Chris rubbed at the back of his neck. “Ah, sorry, Seb. We had a shower, but we kind of just…saw your bed and well, one thing led to another…”

  
Sebastian turned to bang his head against the tiled wall.

  
“Seb, we’re really sorry,” Sara said firmly. “But that’s not the point. Tay overheard us and—well, she thought it was Seb and another girl.”

  
The bathroom fell silent.

  
Sebastian turned to stare at Taylor. Hurt emanated from him, and he whispered, “Tay. Tay, you’ve got to know how much I _love_ you. I’d _never_ cheat on you.”

  
Taylor brushed at her eyes again and whispered, “I’d be totally fine with it if you did. I’d understand—I’m hardly—“ She let out a wet laugh. “I’m hardly a catch.”

  
All three of them stared in disbelief. This tiny, barely brushing five foot woman, sleeves pulled down to her fingertips, cheeks hollow from malnourishment. Even as unhealthy as she was, she was still _beautiful._ And those gorgeous dark eyes that sparkled whenever someone spoke to her—that made Sebastian fall in love with her.

  
He pushed toward her, wrapping her in his arms. She automatically pushed her nose into the crook of his neck, and something about that settled him. She breathed in shakily, fingers digging into his back. He whispered, “I love you so much, Taylor, my fucking God. You don’t ever have to be _okay_ with me cheating—or even _think_ about me cheating, because you’re my girl. You’re my best girl.”

  
Sara wrapped an arm around Chris’ waist. He leaned down, biting the top of her ear before whispering, “Speaking about this morning has put me in a bit of a, eh, situation, babe…”

  
She glanced down—and had to hide her laughter in his armpit. He blushed, and mumbled, “Stop it. I’ve got a fucking stiffy, hah, hah, very funny.”

  
Sara’s hand came up to gently cover his dick as it pushed against his jeans. He twitched, whining, but pressed a grateful kiss to her temple.

  
As Sebastian pulled back, he whispered, “And the thing about the fish? What—“

  
Taylor took his hand and pressed it to the curve of her stomach. “You’re gonna be a daddy, Seb. We’re gonna have a baby girl.”


End file.
